A Little British Glam Makes the Day

I started this morning off knowing that I would need a pick me up to deal with the 4 pallets I expected today, which actually ended up being 6. Not fun, but at least I planned ahead by uploading some classic glam in the form of Mott the Hoople and Slade. Mott the Hoople was one band in which I was completely ignorant ,except for a song I always believed to be Bowie's. Slade on the other hand had one hit in the early 80's but were an inspiration to several cock-rock outfits during this time, so I knew a bit more about them, but not much. My past experience with British Glam doesn't go much past T. Rex and Bowie. I've always been of the opinion the nothing else mattered in early 70's Britain than the two, so I never felt the need to pursue the style and era further. Lately though, I have been all about hunting down the 70's era music I discarded, and I find that I missed many a gem over the years. Today I discovered that of the two bands I previous mentioned, both kicked my ass on my morning commute but one did it a little harder, and that was Slade.

Slade fuckin' rocks and you can bet your ass I will be purchasing several more of their audio riches. I don't know whether it's the attitude or the griminess, probably a bit of both, but they are one of those bands I can see listening to multiple times a day for the next few weeks. i had a similar experience with Fear a couple months ago but have felt very little like this, music-wise, since the spring. Thankfully, the magic is back.

I'll leave you with one of the asskickers from their album, Slayed. The song, as well as the outfits, are the glam rock equivalent of sober sex with a celebrity crush.

I Wanna Be A New Jack Hustlah

For some reason this early 90's gem from Ice T was stuck in my head. I must say, being something of an expert on true school hip-hop, this is probably the best song Ice-T ever wrote or rapped. Even though he was well known and had to previous albums to back him up before this one, I still consider Ice-T a subpar rapper compared to some of his fellow LA rappers. Comparing him to such rappers as Ice Cube or MC Ren is hilarious in my eyes. Before this song, I would put Ice-T's rap skill somewhere around the levels of mediocrity you would find Too Short or Easy E(RIP). Thankfully, during this period, T started Body Count and in acting career that would keep him afloat for years to come.

Camel Joe and the Hard Pack

Those of you who read this are probably old enough to remember Camel Joe Controversy. Apparently, the powers that be, known to many as the Nanny State, felt that cartoonish images of camels smoking cigarettes contributed to underage usage of tobacco. Although I missed underage smoking by a year, I can attest that to me and my peers, there was nothing cool about Joe Camel. Except for the fact that he smoked, and we all know that makes everyone looks like a bad ass.

Anyone who did think the image of Joe Camel was, cool probably feasted on paint chips in quantity as a child. These would be the same kids who owned the Joe Camel t-shirts and would be referred to my peers as a "spazz". It's pretty sad when someone such as myself, who as a geek was low on the High School social scale, could actually look down upon somebody as a lesser. These are the same type of people who partake in such glorious activities as backyard wresting and are frequently found as winners of the Darwin Award. Unfortunately, this is a large portion of the current US population. But I digress.....

I've posted this image of the "Hard Pack" to show you how not cool Camel Joe, or his friends, are. This image was from the early 90's. I was a teen during this time, and I can attest, there is nothing cool about dressing like the Blues Brothers in 1991. If the marketing team at Camel were really trying to cater to a teenage market, don't you think Joe would have a hi-top fade and a pair of Cross Colours? Or maybe long greasy hair and a flannel? I'm sorry, but teenagers don't give two shits about the Blues Brothers. I didn't, and nobody I knew did. Adam Sandler, sure, but nothing as thoughtful as the Blues Brothers.

I far as the "Hard Pack" is concerned, I'm sorry, but there is nothing "Hard" about a dude with a saxophone. In fact, saxophone is probably the anti-hard. Take for example, Huey Lewis and the News.... you know what I'm saying. If they really wanted to make the "Pack" hard, maybe they should have been given glocks and jheri curls. That, my friend, would have been the meaning of hard, and probably would have been directed at a teenage audience.

So was Camel Joe a marketing gimmick aimed towards underage smokers? I think not, but if it was, that marketing team knew nothing about what kids liked or didn't like in 1991.

Join the Cult

I recently bought a snuggee as a last minute Halloween costume. It was quick and stupid purchase, but I had no intention of trying to maneuver around a party store mobbed with rabid, last-minute shoppers. So I went to Walgreens and dished out the 15 bucks for a blanket with sleeves. I figured even if it was a shitty last minute costume, at least people are going to laugh. People laughed and Halloween went over pretty nicely, even with a shitty costume. With the holiday over I probably should have just thrown the snuggee in a dresser with all the other costumes of Halloween's past.....but I didn't. At all.

In the last week, I have become one of those assholes you see in the commercial. Sure, I wear the snuggee around my house more for the comedic and creepy purposes rather than practicality, but I do use it quite a bit. I could be a normal person and wear a robe or pajamas, but it doesn't provide the same looks of disdain from my girlfriend and roommate. The snuggee screams," I'm such a tool and proud." and sometimes that makes me chuckle. Sure, it's a joke at my own expense, but it's a funny joke. I can laugh and be comfortable at the same time.

I've joined the cult.

Today's Twitter Trending Topic: Rihanna's Forehead

Apparently Rihanna's big prime time interview last night left an impact on more than a few, and not in a necessarily positive way. Twitter has been buzzing with jokes about Rihanna's over-sized forehead, and I have to admit some of them are genuinely funny one-liners.

It's true that domestic violence is not a laughing manner, and many people are equally tweeting about those who make jokes being assholes. Get over it! Comedy typically exist at the expense of others, or in this case, other people's body parts. Despite everybody knowing MJ was a tortured soul and that child abuse is no laughing manner, a large majority of us, myself included, still repeat the 'boys underwear half off" joke because its funny. In some cases jokes are coping tools to help us deal with tragedy and other negative things in our life. Hell, cracking a joke is a lot healthier than drinking.

So I've gathered a list of some of my favorite jokes regarding Rihanna's Forehead. You can check them out for yourself though out the day at #Rihannasforehead

"#Rihannasforehead attacked Chris Brown first."

"#rihannasforehead will be showing the Michael Jackson movie "This Is It" on it.."

"is so big it's considered a roaming zone on T-Mobile #rihannasforehead"

"I tried uploading a pic of #rihannasforehead but it said the file was too damn big!"

"Is NASA ever gonna go back to #rihannasforehead?"

"According to NASA #rihannasforehead will be the cause of an upcoming solar eclipse."

"#rihannasforehead is trying to host the olympics in 2020"

"Ppl dnt scale everest anymore they scale #rihannasforehead"

"i actually heard rihanna was ment to have a twin but it got stuck in her forehead in the womb, #rihannasforehead"

"I tried looking up #rihannasforehead with Google Earth but it told me the image was too big"

"#RIHANNASFOREHEAD is like a documantry u never knw when itz gonna end"

The Doomed Mixtape

I've been on an underground hip-hop tear over the last couple of days. Along with the Tosh and dub, I've been on a fairly steady diet consisting of Madlib and MF Doom. A couple of days ago I ran across the Doomed mixtape and I gotta say it was one of the driving forces in my mostly mundane work day.

1. DOOMposter Intro
2. Jake One – Trap Door (Ft. MF DOOM)
3. Donny Goines – Vinca Rosea [EXCLUSIVE]
4. MF DOOM – Paper Planes
5. Ryan Leslie – Addiction (Ft. Cassie & Fabolous)
6. J.Rocwell & Sugar Tongue Slim – Mandrake [EXCLUSIVE]
7. Mighty Underdogs – Gunfight (Ft. MF DOOM)
8. Nas – Speaks On DOOM
9. Nas – Hope (Ft. Chrisette Michelle)
10. 3rd Bass – Gas Face (Ft. MF DOOM)
11. Nov Ganon – Nettle Leaves [EXCLUSIVE]
12. Lil’ Wayne – A Milli
13. MF DOOM – A Milli Freestyle
14. J. Dilla – Sniper Elite (Ft. MF DOOM)
15. Nero – Eucalyptus [EXCLUSIVE]
16. Kool G. Rap – Ill Street Blues
17. Rick Ross – Speedin’ (Ft. R. Kelly)
18. Jabee – Meditation [EXCLUSIVE]
19. MF DOOM – Boulder Holder
20. Justice – We Are Your Friends
21. Jay-Z – Pray
22. MF DOOM – I Hear Voices (Live)
23. J-Snyder – The Magic Message [EXCLUSIVE]
24. Big Boi – Royal Flush (Ft. Raekwon & Andre 3000)
25. Lil’ Wayne – Got Money (Ft. T-Pain)
26. T-Pain – Can’t Believe It (Ft. Lil’ Wayne)
27. J. Dilla – Mash’s Revenge (Ft. MF DOOM & Guilty Simpson)
28. MF DOOM – Hoe Cakes [Ant Remix]
29. Kumi Hues – Camphor [EXCLUSIVE]
30. MF DOOM – Shimmy Shimmy Ladies



Most of the songs on it are pretty dope, even the Lil' Wayne song, and I'm not a fan of his...at all. It would have worked without the T-Pain, but I guess it's a good idea to try to hook the younger generation in. Throw in some Kool G Rap and the 3rd Bass classic "Gasface) and I was sold. The best part about, besides having a shit load of MF Doom songs, is the mix is free. Everybody knows nothing is better than free. In fact, you can download it here. Pay close attention to the song Mandrill by J.Rocwell & Sugar Tongue Slim. I'm pretty sure this mix was the first time the track saw the light of day and it's one of the highlights.

Jesus fuck I love the Hip-Hop. Free Hip-Hop.

How to do the Hustle aka Creepiest Video Ever

Today I was given the most awesome opportunity to listen to nothing but 70's soft rock over the radio. By "most awesome" I actually mean I felt as if I had an elephant-sized dose of Thorazine forced on me. There were actually a couple of highlights: Neil Diamond,the Carpenters, and last but not least, the Hustle. I've always wondered how one dances to this soft disco classic and wondered if it was too complex. My co-worker Chris informed me that I could probably learn it in an hour, but had never seen it himself. i got curious..

So with very little digging I came upon this instructional video on Youtube-



Hello creepy!! I'm pretty sure this is less of an instructional video and more of some gross dude trying to display his gyratic package in period clothing. I did learn a couple things...I could not learn the Hustle in one hour, and even if I did learn it I would probably be put on a sex offender list for doing the dance in public.

I'm slightly disgusted.

The Holiday Is Over,Hibernation Time

I was sad to see it go, but it can't last forever. Unless of course, life were a Tim Burton movie. And as we know, life is not, so Halloween has left NYC once more. As usual, I had fun and once again wished I had put forward more thought and effort into my costume. This is probably the fifth year in a row I waited until the last minute, which kinda sucked. You see, he who waits until he last minute gets stuck with a snuggee for a costume. Not scary at all!' Oh well, at leasts it's an investment. I can read a book or talk on the phone without loosing rhe comfort a blanket provides. The snuggee should come in handy for me and the girl as we move into the hibernation months. That's right, true believers, fore November begins the great lifestyle known as homebodiness(if it's not a word, it is now).

I will probably be spending a considerable amount of more time in front of the tube and less outside, as will most of you. Thankfully this is the perfect time to catch up on my movie addiction. I kicked myself so many times over the last 5 months ignoring my television and Netflix account, I had forgotten what it was like to chill at home with a horror movie. Thankfully, as the weather gets colder, I rekindle my relationship with my Tv/DVD combo, and this time I have compatriot, unlike the last couple of years. The only thing better than watching blood, guts, and Italian moustaches, is doing it with the person you love.

So excuse me while I slip into the snuggie and throw on a Sonny Chiba double feature. I'm preparing for winter.

The Cinematic Glory of the Dollar Store DVD

I have heard many a trash cinema buff talk about the glory of the dollar store dvd rack. While I have always had it in mind to go foraging for some cheap thrills, considering I live in a city drowning in dollar stores, I had never ever taken the initiative. It always seemed like a good idea, but was so far in the back of my mind the matter was never pressing. Most of my time spent in the local dollar dump tends to be spent on house cleaner runs and glassware replacements. I'm not really a browsing kind of guy. When I go into a store, I try to locate the needed item, grab and buy it as fast as possible. In and out quicker than a flasher in Central Park. If I was thinking about movies, I might be a bit more curious to meander around the aisles a little more.

Thankfully I have a girlfriend these days, and she is not so lacking in the attention to dollar shop detail as I am. When we go into the store as a couple, there is so much more to notice. If it wasn't for my lovely female counterpart, my passing interest in cheap DVDs probably would never have resurfaced. Because of a couple of trips to said stores yesterday, I discovered a treasure trove cheap thrills.

Even though I saw many a movie I must call my own, the one that stood out was the Fabio Teste action bomb First Action Hero. I actually picked this one up thinking it was a 70's polizia, but I was far wrong. This train wreck was made less than 20 years ago and is probably the last time Teste's name has been in a feature length film. But this isn't my cinema blog, so I'm not going to go further than that. All I know is I probably should have went with Sonny Chiba double feature. Regardless, I am going to be paying closer attention to the contents in my neighborhood trashmarts.

The End Kickstarts a New Beginning

After many a month of screening, scheduling, planning and execution,Royal Flush Festival has finally come to an end. Since April, I have been working on the programming department, and I gotta say, as much as I love movies, I was on film overload for most of the summer. This was probably why I haven't put much of an effort in over at the other bloggity-blog. Bt Alas, my RFF persona is taking a bit of a vacation and I have been away from trash cinema long enough to be able to voice my opinion again. To start, I will hopefully be able to jot down a couple of words about some of the fine films I had the joy of viewing for RFF. I wanted to wait until after the festival ended before I voiced my opinion, and that time has finally come.

As much as I sound relieved the Festival has run it's course for 2009, I must say I learned a shitload of useful knowledge and met some great people. It became hectic at times, but in the long run it has been a valuable experience and helped kick start more than a couple of future plans this guy has for the Rotten Apple. When these ideas take a more cohesive form I'll be more than happy to share them with the rest of the world, but for now they need to be discussed in depth for a period of time. I just have to be sure not to bring my hopes up too much in case said plans don't see the light of day. For now, I'll just focus on asian gangster movies, peplum, and ozploitation.